“There’s a grief that can’t be spoken, there’s a pain goes on and on…” Those words from a song in the musical/play/movie, “Les Miserables” resonated with me this morning. In 30 seconds I made a decision which will likely change the way I experience life.
What was this decision? Well, it revolves around how I experience losses. The decision I made was to feel the loss and the grief; without allowing them to penetrate everything I do for the rest of my life.
For example, because of my illness, I am no longer able to be as active as I used to be, and too often I sit in a chair too sedentary for my own health. Rather than realize that fact that there is little I can do to walk and be more active, I’ve started spending time thinking of ways to overcome my too sedentary lifestyle. I need some exercise to tone my muscles and heart ad lungs. You’d be amazed at how much exercise can be had in a seated position in a chair with cans of soup and bands!
In my new life, there’s no room for toxic emotions, like anger. They only pave the the way for permanent feelings of self-pity. Many of you have heard me say that self pity and getting on our ‘pity-pot’ is alright. It is, but we need to give sitting on out ‘pity-pot’ a ‘statute of limitations. We do need to grieve our losses, then get off the pity-pot and move forward; realizing that just because we grieved our losses, the sadness, the ache can be with us for our whole lives.
After forty-five years of fighting, ‘tooth and nail,’ refusing to accept the losses that each chronic illness has brought, I finally decided to accept them. It may have been kicking and screaming, fighting tooth and nail; but I accepted. I made the choice to accept my losses and play the hand I was dealt. Inside, I felt so much peace when I decided to stop digging in my heels. And just think; this was all accomplished in 30 seconds, but it represents a change in the way I think, behave; a lifelong change.
But, replacing those dreams creates a void where other dreams went, so now I can look at life as a ‘do-over.’ for all of us with chronic illnesses. Most people don’t have the ability of trying more than one set of dreams. But, those of us with chronice illness have been granted a second chance in the dream/do-over department.Hits : 435