I’m back-kind of!

For the time being, even though I’m posting, posts will be short, to the point and not frequent: but hopefully, they’ll be poignant posts about my experience as a patient. Please bear with me; I don’t have much in the way of stamina, and there are a lot of typos, too.

Not long ago, my husband made the observation (for the 20th time) that we health professionals make THE WORST PATIENTS and I see it now. When I was working, I was expected to be “Johnny on the spot” and “Ms. Perfect.” So I was. Now, I’m not used to not being able to do much for myself.

Now, the ‘shoe is on the other foot’ and no matter how hard I try, I fall short of the mark I SET FOR MYSELF. I want the best outcome from the surgery, (the surgeon says it might take 18 months to return to 100% function. Why, then, do I expect to achieve that same 100% goal in a month?

Which brings me to my point. Why do I feel I must defy the predictions set forth by the surgeon and physical therapist (who bears a strange resemblance to Atilla the Hun-when it comes to NO PAIN, NO GAIN in my exercise regimen)?

Is there a reason that I feel duty-bound to over-exceed expectations? Is it true that I expect NOTHING but the best from myself, despite several other disabling medical conditions, despite the fact that I’m a perfectionist? Could it be that I have a need to prove to the world that disabled, I still have and exude some superhuman qualities?

Even Atlas would get a bit weak at the knees if that pant-load of expectations were put on ‘his/her’ shoulders! So, to all who feel ‘burdened-out,’ ‘an able man has many burdens; as I am abler than most, I have more than most!’

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11 thoughts on “I’m back-kind of!

  1. Why does this sound so familiar? How many lupies are frustrated perfectionists trapped in bodies that just won’t do things perfectly any more?

  2. There are just three types of patients in my experience, Anne. The “Yes, but”, the “go with the flow” and the “I expected this”. The “Yes, but” patient, knows probabilities but think that it will be different for them, the “go with the flow” patient does just that, they take each day as it comes, and the “I expected this” patient is more negative they don’t expect to get better and they almost seem to want things to go bad.
    It’s not that you are different because you are a nurse or disabled, it is because you are one of the “Yes, but” patients.
    Don’t let it get you down, just realize that you are human. I have also often found that those with higher expectations, often get higher rewards and recover sooner, that is if they understand that it is them with the expectations. Sometimes, they want to blame others when they don’t achieve their goals as fast as they think they should.
    Don’t worry if you expect more from yourself, it is who you are, but you already realize that it is your expectations, and that makes it easier to deal with.

    • i’m definitely a ‘yes but’ who feels that if i don’t get my ‘rear in gear’ and do those exercises EXTREMELY WELL, this whole thing will have been for naught. I’m scared and that doesn’t make for a good, solid recovery. help!

      • I won’t tell you that there is no reason to be scared Annie, but sometimes you have to distract your self from the worries and just allow your body to do it’s job. The exercises are usually designed to be flexible for each patient. They are not expecting perfection from you, you are expecting perfection from yourself. In doing so you might push yourself too hard. It is going to take a major effort on your part to make the change in yourself, but it is important in your recovery. There is no perfection possible in therapy, just accomplishing your goals on your time frame. One of the most important things is to learn to let go a little, tension puts stress on your muscles, and then on your bones.
        For me that almost seemed as if I was learning to be lazy and I didn’t want to be lazy. But there is a difference, and it is something that is desperately needed sometimes in order to heal.
        I believe in God and just telling Him that I could not take it anymore, that it was in His hands, took a tremendous burden off me. I realize that this may not be for you, but for me, it was the right thing. God bless you my friend, and I will keep praying and you know that I will help in anyway I can.

  3. loopy, ty so much 4 your kind HEART-FELT words. I know i need to ‘let go ket god.’ but it is so hard 4 mr to take that blind leap of faith that Someone can do this better than i can, that the divine enters into earthly pursuits. maybe its time to seriously reexamine my belief system. currently, it is quite spiritual.

  4. Annie, A huge welcome back. I’m sure many of us can identify with your wish, even with the presence of other health limitations, to be back to 100% instantly! Sounds like it’s time to let yourself off the hook and revel in each and every tidbit of progress. God bless!

    • l. i wish i could say that i was 100%; unfortunately mote like 35% )on a bad day) and 60% on a good day. What causes those vacillations? thats downright irritating, saddening, frustrating and a bunch of other emotions evoked. PT said to expect this. Why is life so hard some times? Have s great time in the sun w/ your sis!

      • I wish I knew the answers. And it’s trite to say, That’s life. But hang in there and savor each moment of relief. And thanks about CA. This time tomorrow I’ll be on the plane.

        • lois, pt was just here and said i was coming along FINE and they emphasized that they’d tell me if i were lagging; guess it is me who is the impatient one! call me relieved!

            • Dear Lois physical therapy was here today and they seem to think that I was on track with my recovery. I am overwhelmed with all the compliments that I have received on your guest posts. Feel free to look at them and revel in your success! I hope you had a good time in the sun with your sister. Annie

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