Good one-liners

Inside every older person is a younger person — wondering what the hell happened..

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The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

-Helen Hayes (at 73)-

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I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.

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Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

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A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

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Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.

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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint

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Old age ain’t no place for sissies.

-Bette Davis-

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A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. A woman must do what he can’t.

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The phrase “working mother” is redundant.

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Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.

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Whatever women must do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

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Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

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I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

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If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.

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When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years, before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!

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I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb . and I’m also not blonde.

-Dolly Parton-

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If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.

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I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.

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When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

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Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

-Maryon Pearson –

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In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man-IF YOU WANT ANYTHING DONE, ASK A WOMAN!

-Margaret Thatcher-

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I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.

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I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

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Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.

-Eleanor Roosevelt-

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